Give A Little LOVE. Have A Little Hope

HAPPY MONDAY Mamas!! I am feeling refreshed (well, for a mom of two teeny tinys!) and I can easily tell you why. My #MamaMustHave this week was #datenight! The Mr. and I celebrated 12 years together on Saturday!

The last few night outs that we’ve had, we’ve gone the “fancy” route. Of course it’s fun to get dressed up, especially because we don’t always get to anymore, but sometimes it feels like there’s so much pressure on the night because we don’t get them too often. So to throw it back to old times we went for causal fun and just hung out. You guys! We had the best night, we sat at the bar- no worries about getting the “romantic table” we laughed so hard and even ordered some shots 🙈 Although we love talking about our babes, we only talked about us. We laughed hard at our old 20 year old selves and reminisced. I love Billy as my husband, I adore him as the father of my children. But in the busyness of life, we often forget to value each other as best friends, as partners, and team mates.

We are very fortunate that we have my family very close by so we are able to have the kids taken care of by them. I know not everyone is this lucky and it can be difficult to get out of the house. Dating doesn’t always mean going out, some of the best memories we have or our best times were nights in. I know we get tired and it’s hard! So this week I challenge you mamas, set the intention for love. Set up your mind for love, and open your heart to it. Do one thing every day that you feel you are putting off or to enhance the romance.

Send a flirty text.

Post a love note on the mirror.

Go in for a kiss, the REAL THING not just a peck on the lips.

Ask him to dance.

Pat him on the butt.

Give him a wink.

Turn the tv off and have dinner at the table.

Bring up a funny or a favorite memory, and reminisce.

Hug. Hold Hands. Touch.

I also want to say, my last two mama must haves have been seemingly centered around my husband. As women, we always know when we need something from our relationships and often want our husbands to ‘just know’ what to do. (Maybe that’s just me?!) But I found that while I wanted my husband to be more loving, or romantic or whatever the case may be that I wasn’t showing those same actions in my relationship. Treat others how you would like to be treated, that’s what we teach our babies, right? When we are shown love, when we are praised we often blossom and want to do the same for the other. So while it may seem like maybe you are the one putting in the work at the beginning, you will see that return to you tenfold. Equally important, your babies will be a witness and learn how to love and respect someone and especially the kind of love and respect they will always deserve.

Let me know how you showed and opened your heart to love this week! I am always looking for new ideas. Let me know how it made YOU feel to woo your partner!

When Does It End?

When Does It End?

This morning as my baby boy nuzzled in to my husband and I, I held him extra tight. When I looked at my phone the first thing that popped up was the mass shooting in Thousand Oaks and I immediately burst in to tears. When does it end? WHY is this happening? Is this our new normal? What is this world we are creating for our babies? I can not remember a time when I was in elementary school, middle school, or even high school when we were ever concerned about peers with guns. I never watched a debate or thought about ever hearing elected officials speak on giving our severely underpaid teachers firearms. I never practiced a shelter in place for an active shooter. Sadly, this will not be my children’s reality.

I’ve been obsessed with crime shows for as long as I can remember and while so many people love them, I sometimes feel like I can’t shake them afterward. I have always felt so paranoid about predators, or murderers and have actively advised, and excessively pestered my sister about constantly checking her surroundings, about never being on her phone when shes alone and constantly remaining vigilant about her surroundings. While it is so important to me to teach my babies about safety, about strangers, about what is a safe touch and what is not, I often struggle with finding a balance. I want my babies to enjoy, bask in and celebrate their life. I don’t want them to worry about every unfamiliar face, or every dark corner. Life is an exciting adventure and I want them to experience it in full. My greatest desire is to soak up every single one of their worries, every doubt, every hesitation. But How?! I live with so many of them myself. How do I keep them safe, without teaching them to be afraid? I do not want to place my fears on them. I recently had a conversation with my husband as we were discussing all the different school options for our babies, as we want to be as well informed as possible for when the time comes. I have been looking in to home schooling and for a lot of people, I think it is a phenomenal option. I had to have a really honest look at myself and I realized that although a wonderful option for many, I was not interested in home schooling for the right reasons. The biggest draw for me was that I wouldn’t have to let go of my babies. I just don’t feel that is healthy mentally, emotionally, or socially for my babies or for me.

There are so many books, courses and articles on how to speak to our babies about certain dangers,but how do we protect them from something like mass shootings? How do we restrict them from going to the movies? The mall? A concert or even out to eat with their friends? Especially when they are of age, when they are no longer in our homes. When we go out I often look for the exits, I don’t like sitting with my back to entrances, and I distinctly remember going to the movies with a girlfriend and being so uneasy because I saw a man by himself who kept switching seats. I can not tell you what movie we even saw but I remember the pit in my stomach as I stared at this man waiting for him to jump up… I can’t even get myself to put in to the universe the end of that thought. When I had my babies the world was suddenly a thousand times more beautiful, but simultaneously the harsh reality and fear set in. All I want to do is protect them, while being able to set them free. I guess as parents there are many contradictions about what we want for our babies and wishes versus reality. I have no answers, and an overwhelmingly amount of questions. At the end of the day all we can do is hold our babies tight, teach them as much as we can, and pray and/or put out in to the universe that they will be alright.

THIS HAS TO END. If anyone has any ideas about how we can bring change, how we can band together and stop this. I can not see another life cut short, I can not see another parent mourning the life of their baby. I can not see another sibling crying at a grave. This is not a burden that a child should ever have to carry. It is truly heartbreaking, but it can not be another hashtag, another moment of silence, another life lost in vain.

MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT. GUN LAWS NEED TO CHANGE.

I haven’t stopped crying, my heart is in pieces watching these parents beg to see their babies. I will never understand why. I will never understand how. I will never understand. This can not be a reality and much less the future that our babies live in.