New Year, Better Me.

You guys! I did not want to start this blog like this, but in keeping with the promise I made when I decided to start this site, I need to be transparent; I have really struggled with actually sitting down and writing this out. I think my main problem is the accountability that it gives me. Once I say my intentions out loud it feels like there is more pressure to keep them. I am so guilty of starting off with great ideas but with the long days, and some sleepless nights I don’t have the energy to actually execute them. Do you ever feel that way? How do you get out of that rut? The other day I promised myself I was actually going to make it to the gym and when I woke up to check the time I had woken up 20 min too late. 95% of me was screaming, ‘You are way too late, you’ll make it next time. Also, this bed is warm and your husband so snuggly!’ It is SO hard to make it out of bed when the person next to you is still happily in dreamland. Is it horrible that I gave him a light kick on my way up HA! #marriedlife but don’t tell him, and for the record it absolutely did not work! BUT! I made it. When I did, I felt stronger than I have in a long time. I truly believe that although I do feel physically stronger, there is something incredible about accomplishing something that you didn’t originally feel the energy to. That feeling for me came from actually investing in myself.

Investing in myself in this scenario, was that I got up and out of bed for no one other than myself. When my babies cry, or when they wake up, am I always energized? Absolutely not! But I jump out of bed or stop what ever I am doing to tend to them. Running on empty, I muster up the last ounce of oomph I have and pour it in to them. I adore them, and I know they are worth it all. Why don’t I give the same love to myself? In 2019, and hopefully as a practice for life, I will measure things that benefit me by how much I love, invest, and feel worthy of those benefits. I will take time for myself, even when I am tired, when I don’t necessary feel like I it, and when I feel as though I may fail.

Connectivity. Like in all aspects of life, blogging comes with its fair share of politics. Finding people that care enough about what you have to say, and genuinely connecting with people is so much harder than I thought. I received several DMs from people that I was  excited to connect with, whom I felt I related so much to only to be hit with an ‘invitation’ to meet other like minded moms. Sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Well, yes but when you join these groups they have lots of rules; first one being you have to follow everyone in this group, they all have to follow you back except for the (usually are around 3/4) members who started the group they don’t have to follow anyone or engage with anyone, really. They make rules of comment times and the type of comments you need to leave. I can not remember ever having rules to be someones friend, other than be kind. As moms, or even grownups we barely have enough time as it is, I absolutely refuse to spend the little time I do have pretending to care about someone who has absolutely no interest in reciprocating or having a real friendship. I truly have met amazing people, some even through Instagram and I look forward to developing those friendships. I do truly like to see pictures of their happy families and I love to share, learn, and communicate with other moms, dads, and people in general. My intention for this space is to grow, relate, and learn and I intend to keep my focus on genuine and mutually respected and appreciated connections.

Health. My intention is to focus on my health and make it a priority. I want to change the way I speak about my health, and above all how I speak about and view my body. I truly appreciate this body that housed, nourished, and continues to nourish in different ways the two most important little beings in my life. Above all, I want to lead by example, and teach my babies how to take care of their health and their bodies. Fat is the new F- word and we’re not speaking it.

Assert Boundaries. I wrote about this in my last post but for me, it is worth reiterating. In the past I have let the comfort and happiness of others control my boundaries. I am a very loud extrovert so people assume that I always say what I am thinking or am good at expressing my feelings. The truth is, I’m not. There are times that I completely disagreed with what people did or said and I didn’t say much for fear of being ostracized or being judged harshly. I have had people in my space that have done horrible things, and brought such negative energy in to my surroundings only because I wanted to keep the peace among everyone else. That is not my job. I do not always have to keep my mouth shut and constantly be made to adjust for the happiness of others. This is not to say that I shouldn’t at times be the bigger person or let the small things go and look at the big picture. When I feel very strongly about something or someone, I will speak up. I would never want my children to consistently keep people in their space that do not respect their feelings or boundaries and I need to teach them by doing so myself.

Sometimes as parents the lines get blurred on where moming ends and we begin. We lose ourselves in all that we give to others that even when we intend to love and care for ourselves we don’t really know how or what that entails anymore. What are the things that are important to me, as a woman, aside from my family? Sometimes it is hard for me to see what matters most and on those days I always think about my babies to guide me. What do I want my babies to stand for? What kind of people do I want them to be? What kind of friends would I want them to be around? and most importantly what should they not tolerate, and when should they speak up? My new rule is, if its not good enough for my babies, its not good enough for me.

 

 

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